he puts the penis in happiness.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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