hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
