I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
