pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
did you just send me my own nude
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
