I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
