A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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