yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
