My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
