Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
