dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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