I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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