thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
