My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
