I look better un-naked...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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