he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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