i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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