woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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