I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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