we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
