Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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