No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
