Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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