There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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