Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize