He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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