It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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