My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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