I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
