I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let the clothes fall where they may.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
