we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
