No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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