While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
