I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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