HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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