I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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