The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
