and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize