My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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