I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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