You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
