We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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