I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
