I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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