Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
