And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
