Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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