Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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