I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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