i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
