Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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