apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize