Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
