They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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