woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
