these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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