So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
