Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
