the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
how drunk are you?
Several
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
