Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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