we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
