I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
