Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
