Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
