i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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