Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
