i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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